


I'm maybe out of line

by the_curly_headed



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Drama Queening, M/M, Original Percival Graves Needs a Hug, Original Percival Graves is Bad at Feelings, POV Orignal Percival Graves, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-25 22:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9849731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_curly_headed/pseuds/the_curly_headed
Summary: You wouldn't think that Percival Graves is a drama queen, would you?Or a hopeless romantic?And yet.akaNewt takes care of Percy after his return to MACUSA. Turns out Percy doesn't really want to let him go when Newt is to leave for England. Drama queening happens.





	1. How to fall in love with Newt Scamander

Graves’ short list of problems (earlier consisting of the fact that people were annoying and he wasn’t having enough coffee for his liking) has suddenly gained more positions. They’re considerably.. graver and one of them is a big one, urgently requiring a solution.

But let’s start from the beginning. He’s got himself captured by Grindelwald. 

It hasn’t hurt his ego all that much, since many powerful wizards who fought the man have lost. But now, after months of being kept prisoner, he has to deal with the sleepless nights and the ones with the nightmares and he’s got piles of paperwork to get through and on top of that.. he’s changed. 

He never thought his job could change him like that because he was well-suited for it. He lived for his job, gave up a lot too. 

And now, all of a sudden, completely out of his control, it’s changed him. There is some strange uneasiness he feels, a hesitance. Percival feels like his voice could waver all of a sudden or his wand would refuse to listen to him.. 

But he can deal with all that. Not any of these things is _the_ problem. 

On top of the troubles with sleep and paperwork and that unfamiliar, frustrating feeling.. he’s fallen for Newt. 

No one else but the newly-famous Newt Scamander aka the only person who could tell the difference between him and the imposter (and they haven’t even met before), 

aka the person who has also taken part in finding him (at his own home, in the cellar, put to sleep with quite a few nasty spells),

aka the one who’s helped him the most. 

And all that being said Newt has become so much more to Graves than just a person who happened to help (possibly saving his life).

Because when Newt was involved in the Grindelwald affair he was thinking about his creatures, and the Obscurial boy, and perhaps about helping Tina. He’s saved Graves almost by accident, not really trying to do so. It just happened. Newt was the one to notice something was wrong with the Director (in the span of mere hours after meeting him). Then he helped finding him, true, but that was just kindness given to a total stranger (or he wanted to help Tina again).

But it’s different after Graves’ return, when they finally meet. 

This is what matters to Percival, perhaps more than being rescued. 

Because had Newt just save him from a miserable death in the hands of that maniac it wouldn’t quite do the trick. After all that he’s stuck around. He’s offered Graves his friendship, providing him with something that Graves didn’t know he needed...

Alright. So they’ve become close.

But how exactly does the humourless head of MACUSA's Department of Magical Law Enforcement let himself fall in love with a British magizoologist?

-

They first meet at the hospital when Newt accompanies Tina when she’s come to visit Graves.  
She’s made a habit of it, and Graves is thankful. She’s providing him with news and passing information from Seraphina (they don’t feel comfortable talking as if nothing happened yet).

He’s not in a bad state then. He’s spent a week and a half at the hospital already and he’s getting better. His wounds has been taken care of.. The spells for undernourishment had been created centuries ago. 

What couldn’t be dealt with so easily are the nightmares and the trauma in general. 

Of course there are ways of dealing with it. But Graves wouldn’t go as far as to call them healing. Concealing one’s memories shouldn’t be think of as treatment when all it really does is destroy or alter something in your head. So not an option for him.

Left alone with the thoughts and memories troubling him he’s been growing restless, eager to go back to work any day. 

He knows that the healers have already done all they could. And he needs to be occupied with something, he needs to work to forget about his pain. He desperately wants to get tired so he can sleep, he wants to escape the thoughts about how his place has been taken so easily, and no one noticed. 

He was never a sentimental man. How people wouldn’t tell a difference hurts him but life goes on and he refuses to pity himself. That would lead him nowhere.

Very well, but back to the topic, Percival wants to come back to work. Get busy. Drink coffee. Go through the reports. Hell it must be really bad if he misses the reports..

But that’s it when Tina and Newt visit. He’s happy to have someone to talk to. 

The only reason he’s still at the hospital is that Seraphina won’t let him work until the healers say he’s fine. He hates it and thinks about sending her a howler. He is fine, won’t get any better. But then he thinks about it a little more and dismisses the idea as risky. It’s Seraphina after all. 

So Tina comes and she brings a guest. Graves doesn’t suppose he’s ever felt so excited about having a guest before. He’s so fucking bored. 

And it’s the famous Newt Scamander, that he knows so well from what Tina’s been telling him and from the papers he’s read many many times.

He likes reading the articles about Scamander. The people writing them don’t seem to know much, other than that the Brit is some kind of a hero in need of worshiping. Seraphina has taken care of the Grindelwald case not being common knowledge. 

“Gellert Grindelwald Caught by the MACUSA.” It’s not said anywhere that he’s been at the MACUSA for quite a while already, among them, and they haven’t realised. 

Graves laughs at the awkward-told stories, lacking any details. He knows exactly what happened and from a good source. Tina’s told him everything, even if she wasn’t too comfortable discussing what happened to Credence Barebone. 

It’s the worst thing for Graves. 

Grindelwald has hurt someone using his face. He’s so relieved that the boy’s got through all that. That Scamander somehow managed to stop the aurors from firing and then calmed the boy down..

How did he manage to do that while having Grindelwald and these bunch of halfwits on his back he does not know, and nor does Tina. It all happened so quickly and it may have been that the Brit, even as experienced with calming frantic, hurt creatures as he was, just got incredibly lucky. 

There are photos of the magizoologist and he likes to look at them. Newt captured on the pictures looks so boyish and adorable.. He won’t look straight, avoiding people’s eyes.  
Graves didn’t know he had a type but wouldn’t that make it sweet, lean British gingers? Oh and freckles, don’t forget the freckles. You can barely see them on the pictures but doesn’t he adore them.. 

So yeah, it’s famous Newt Scamander with his freckles and green eyes (that for some reason look anywhere but at him) in his room and Tina seats him next to Graves’ bed (there’s only one chair in the room so she moves to sit on a windowsill). 

The conversation isn’t all that interesting. Graves can’t really tell what they are talking about.  
He wants to find a way to get Scamander to look at him for more than a second. He tries and fails for a few minutes before Tina somehow finds an excuse to have to leave for a moment. 

They are alone now and the conversation have died down.

Graves decides to spare Scamander from his obvious discomfort as the other man is squirming in his seat (quite adorably) and seems to want to be anywhere else but in Graves’ room. 

The question Percival choses isn’t exactly an easiest one but he does hate small talks and he can tell that starting one with Newt, as unsociable as the magizoologist seems, would lead to a catastrophe of a conversation. 

“How did you know it wasn’t me?” He asks that because that’s the most obvious question to ask and also the one that he needs an answer for. He’s been wondering. 

“I err pay a lot of attention to the details, Mr. Graves,” Scamander answers quietly, still not looking at him. “It’s not like it was one thing that gave him away, it’s just something felt so off and that wouldn’t let me focus on perceiving him as I would any other person. That was perhaps my intuition. He didn’t fit in the environment he should feel natural in.”

“I see,” Graves nods. “Anyway I should thank you. I can’t fathom what would happen haven’t you intervene. That poor boy he was trying to use.. I’m relieved he’s come out of this alive. And it’s only because of you.”

“Thank you. I did all I could.. And err Credence. His name is Credence.” Newt says in a little bit surer voice, at the same time blushing slightly at the praise.

“Oh, Credence Barebone, I know,” Percival nods again. “I’ve been talking with Tina. I’m planning on checking on him when I get out of here. Of course he knows my face as that bastard’s but I need to see that he’s being taken care of properly. I owe him that. But you’ve seen him after, haven’t you?”

“Yes, well, I actually help Tina and Queenie with him. He trusts me.” There’s a fond smile on Newt’s face. “It’s like.. he’s a hurt creature. And I’ve got a lot of experience with dealing with those.”

“I’m sure,” Graves murmurs. “And how is he?”

“I’d say he’s surprisingly good for what’s he’s been through.. He’s much tougher than you’d think. It’s taken him a long time before all the abuse and pain has become too much. And now, I think we’re making small steps every day. He’s still rather shy and won’t talk much, but I think in time it’ll change.”

“That’s good. I can’t..” Graves looks away from Newt, settling his gaze on the duvet. “People must think that I’m a Director of MACUSA and it must be a blow to my ego that another wizard has defeated me and taken my place like that, but hearing what he was doing to the boy was the hardest thing to get through.”

And that gains him a shy look from Newt. 

To his delight the magizoologist meet his eyes for solid three seconds and then settles his glare somewhere around his right arm. That is a huge progress. 

“I’m very sorry for what’s happened to you, Mr. Graves,” he says in a serious but gentle voice. 

“Thank you,” Graves answers simply. 

-

Then Tina is back, and back with good news. Graves can go. 

The healers say there’s not much more they can do. They recommend that Graves doesn’t overwork himself, sleep more, eat more regularly, perhaps avoid caffeine and alcohol (Graves doubts if the healers would say that and suspects that Tina or Seraphina are responsible for that last thing).

He smiles and nods. Yeah of course he’s going to quit coffee and don’t stay after hours and sleep more. Who are you kidding, Tina?

He says his goodbyes to Goldstein and Scamander and simply disapparates into his house. 

It’s an early morning so he’s probably going to take a shower, shave and head off to MACUSA.  
He forgets about Newt Scamander for now. 

-

The weeks that follow his return are nothing like the usual. The Department is uncommonly quiet. Except for Tina no one dares to meet his eyes for the first few days.

He tries being his usual self, but his usual self is gone. 

There are pieces of this former, original version of him, but they’re shattered and mixed up much alike puzzle pieces. And he doesn’t have time to put them together every single day.. 

So he just doesn’t. 

He lets himself be different because he sees no other way. 

It may seem subtle but for him, someone so used to his daily routine, his habits and order, the changes are terrific. 

He spends some mornings at his home now, at times being more comfortable there than in his office. If anything happens he can be easily informed. And if after a hard night he can spend some more time in his gown, slowly having his morning coffee while going through the reports, there’s nothing bad about it. 

He used to have more disciplined approach to his work but now he can’t think of a reason why he can’t make himself a little bit more comfortable. After all he’s been through a lot, and his presence at MACUSA is not exactly essential. They can sure manage two hours of his absence once in a while, when he’s still one apparition away.  
They didn’t seem to mind when he was gone for four bloody months.

He doesn’t stop by Seraphina’s office (when it’s not about work) as often as he used to (at least once in two days). 

It goes without saying that what happened has affected their friendship greatly. 

Graves is left to wonder how well they knew each other in the first place. Would he notice if an imposter took her place? 

They still talk, and he doesn’t exactly blame her. He’s not angry. He’s hurt, and there’s not much he can do to change that (there’s not much she could do either).  
They haven’t talked about it yet. They’ll need to explain things eventually but right now none of them feels ready to mention it.

He used to split his time between MACUSA and home. There were rarely any exceptions (occasional visits in a pub once or twice a month). Now he finds himself agreeing to come and visit the Goldstein sisters. 

Of course he can say he agrees because Credence is staying there, and he did want to finally meet the poor boy, but he doesn’t want to deny. He likes Tina and from what he’s caught, her sister the blonde one, seems likeable too, even to him. Scamander could also be there.. It would be a shame to miss a chance of seeing Mr. Freckles.. (Mr. Freckles, seriously? Come up with something better, Graves). 

Anyway he’s willing to give it a try. 

Percival Graves and social live. Interacting with people outside of work. What a wild concept.

-

So he goes there for the first time. 

He meets Queenie and to his surprise finds her very sympathetic. 

She’s a legilimens but it’s not like he has to worry. His mind isn’t easy to read. Occlumency might has not been his favourite subject but he’s mastered it nonetheless.

So they talk, she smiles at him, she’s being very friendly. 

Later on she admits that talking with him is intriguing, because she rarely has a chance to chat with someone without seeing the person’s thoughts. It makes sense. He finds himself happy to indulge in the conversation. Queenie is good with finding topics, and her occasional mentions of Tina almost make him smile. 

He didn’t realise he was so fond of the older Goldstein sister before. It’s a good feeling. They could be friends in the future, and professional relations be damned he would like that.

He meets Credence. 

It’s not an easy encounter. The boy remembers him as someone completely different. Because if Grindelwald played Graves at MACUSA he didn’t have to towards Credence.

But Graves is gentle, determined to make the boy feel safe in his presence, determined to get him to smile and perhaps to like him.

Credence is vulnerable now, having been driven to the edge by the combined efforts of Mary Lou and Grindelwald. Both should be happy Graves can’t get them just now. (The woman is dead and Grindelwald locked in one of the MACUSA’s dungeons.)

Graves also can’t help noticing how beautiful both physically and inwardly the boy is. He’s so grateful that Credence survived. He can’t fathom what it would feel like if MACUSA’s aurors, _his_ aurors, have killed him. 

The thought makes him furious. They’re supposed to be highly trained and competent and not only did they fail to see that they had an Obscurial in New York but they didn’t want to believe Newt, and after he was proven to be right they still stood in his way. Even if they had orders, someone should’ve done something, say it was pure madness to even think about attacking the boy.

He has to talk to Seraphina about it. Even if in the end she did tell them to halt when Newt begged them to, she’s made a big mistake herself. He needs to know that she understands that. 

After the initial shock that Credence had to go through seeing Graves for the very first time, and recalling Grindelwald, the boy warmed up to him quite quickly. 

That evening Percival sends a lot of gentle smiles he didn’t know he could manage, he says many kind words, he’s as soft as he can. And it pays off. He gets that shy smile he wanted, and Credence is at ease, going as far as to sit opposite to Graves on the couch later on. 

And Newt is there too, on the very same couch, on the other side of Graves. It all feels weirdly satisfying and that’s something completely new. Percival is not too easy with people. He used to think he was best on his own. It takes time before he gets to like someone, and even then he rarely feels up to spending time with them. 

And now it’s just alright. He doesn’t wish he was home, he doesn’t think about his work or Grindelwald. He doesn’t think about anything in particular, really. He just let’s it be and it’s good. 

It’s like coming back to something long forgotten, something he missed and now desperately needs. It makes him feel warm and safe. It’s probably some memory from his early childhood. It feels silly but he dismisses that thought because he likes it and whatever works to get him to calm down is welcomed.

So he sits on that couch, telling Credence about Ilvermorny. 

He’s quite sure Newt’s smiling at him. If there’s a simple way to get Newt to like you it’s by being kind and gentle to his creatures. And for now Credence is under Newt’s protection.

Later, when he’s leaving, Newt follows him outside the door. He seems surprised at his own confidence when he tells Graves that it was good to see him again and he should take Tina’s long term invitation to heart. He’s welcomed there, Newt assures. And it would be good for Credence to get to know him a little. 

Graves promises to come again and he gets a radiant smile in return. 

It’s the most perfect evening and for the first time after Grindelwald he feels truly at ease. 

-

And this is how his friendship with Newt starts. 

Not long after Percival visits the sisters on weekly basis and sees the magizoologist even more often than that. After all he and Tina are friends so Newt drops by MACUSA quite often, and always spares a moment to say hello to Graves.

He learns to call him Percival, he tells him stories about his creatures, eventually invites him to visit him in his case. And that’s only the first month. 

Then they start talking even more, Graves proud to be a worthy interlocutor for Newt. He’s read a bit about magical creatures and has had some experience as an auror. Newt’s delighted. They make a habit of going down to Newt’s case and Percival learns how to tend to the creatures.

Then he invites Newt over to his home, showing him some books about magical creatures he has in the ancestral library. The books are in a miserable state, but Newt seems not to notice. He praises them and almost cries when Graves offers to give them to him. (He still can’t forget the sight Newt made then, blushing a little, eyes watering in happiness.)

He does not know when exactly he’s lost it. When Newt stopped being just his friend and began to mean more. He must admit that the line is blurry. He did know he liked Newt since the very beginning but this has evolved into something way bigger, something he didn’t quite predict. 

He adores Newt, can’t stop thinking about the freckles and Newt’s voice and his eyes and.. (the list just goes on and on). He can’t stop himself from noticing every little adorable thing Newt does. 

These days Percival is in his best mood when around the younger wizard (and not when chasing after criminals, what has now been degraded to his second favourite). He takes an actual pleasure in helping Newt with his creatures..

And this new life of his is very welcoming and kind. 

Pickett sometimes switches Newt’s breast pocket for his. He dares to call himself the occamies’ daddy (well, when no one is around) and they seem fond of it. And the niffler loves stealing his watch, probably just for the fun of it. (Oh wait shouldn’t he be angry about this one?)

Graves does find it a little bit worrying how easy it is for the creature to sneak on him. (Well he’s always awfully distracted when the owner of the creature comes along.) But then he can go look for Newt and tease him a little by acting as if he was annoyed. They have an adorable microscopic tiff. Sometimes, if Graves have time, they look for the black-furred rebel together. 

Percival doesn’t care that it may be unsuitable for him. He’s the Director of Magical Security and all that crap.. Used to be more reserved and grim.. Well he’s softened. Or at least he has developed a soft spot for a certain redhead, that is sure.

So apparently this is how you, being the head of MACUSA's Department of Magical Law Enforcement, fall in love with a magizoologist going by the name of Newton Fido Artemis ‘Newt’ Scamander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think! :))) (This is like my total debut so it means quite a lot to me.) 
> 
> Also there's more to come in the next chapter- Percy truly drama queening over his feelings for Newt and the need to do something about them.
> 
> Oh and visit me on tumblr if you want to! My gramander sideblog is grumpy-graves. :)))


	2. Dream big or go home

Alright, but that’s it, he has a problem. He’s fallen for his precious friend. 

But you’d ask, why is it urgent? You see, his time is running up. His sweet Newt Fido Artemis is leaving New York in no more than three weeks. 

He’s been here for four months now, way longer than initially predicted. 

The main reason for that was, of course, Credence. Needless to say, Newt wanted to take care of him after all that’s happened. He went as far as to _adopt_ him, really, as he would any other hurting creature. Credence is a human, and an adult too, but good luck trying to explain it to Newt. 

But anyway, Graves approves. Credence needs someone to take care of him, fix him, help him find his way into wizarding world. And who would do that better than Newt Scamander?

Despite that, Seraphina has been taking her time with giving him a permission to leave New York with Credence. She was right to do so, waiting to see if Newt could actually manage the Obscurial. And Graves was tasked with keeping an eye on it..

That gave it away a little, because Graves was sure a powerful wizard but not an expert of this kind of magic. There were better candidates. Seraphina was apparently aware of how fond Percival grew of the two young men.

So he felt bad about it too. Was she keeping them in States only for him?

It’s been obvious Newt knew what he was doing since the very beginning. A month would do.  
So maybe Graves should have gone to Seraphina and just ask. If he was the only reason she was keeping them here, he should put an end to it.

But he didn’t dare ask.  
And even if it made him feel guilty it was worth every day Newt and Credence were still in New York. 

And yet after four months the permission finally comes, and Newt really has to go.

Graves has been dreading this moment ever since that first evening at Goldstein’s.  
And now it’s breaking his heart, just like he thought it would.

When will he see them again?  
It could be months, but that’s an optimistic scenario.  
A year?  
Two years?  
It’s an ocean away, and he’s too busy for visits.  
Or hell, if he’s ever going to use his vacation it would be for his boys.  
But for Merlin’s sake, Graves doesn’t want to visit them, he wants them _to stay_.

But what do you do when you face a problem like that? How do you tell someone you love them and never want them to leave?

Oh, _just say that_? 

He could do no such thing, don’t be ridiculous. Had he managed to even open his mouth his voice would waver anyway, and he wouldn’t get past ‘I’ in ‘I love you’.

Nothing is simple when Percival Graves have to express his feelings. It’s no accident that he only ever had one friend. And he used to think it suited him just fine. He’s tiny little bit afraid of opening his heart to someone. Does not remember why. 

But Newt.. Newt’s been hurt, hasn’t he?  
What is Graves’ excuse then?  
He has no excuse, it’s just how it is.  
Percival Graves Expressing Feelings Eagerly and With Ease sounds almost as ridiculous as Percival Graves Going on Vacation (Eagerly and With Ease). His best friend didn’t see he was being impersonated by no one else but Gellert fucking Grindelwald for four bloody months, that’s how good he is at showing feelings. 

And now he’s got Newt Scamander to confess love to _and I’m begging you please how am I suddenly supposed to know what to do?  
What did I do to deserve having Newt almost within my grasp and no words to tell him, no signs to give, to let him know of what I feel?_

It’s about six years of being alone now.. Not that he cares. No one was interested. And when someone happened to be he was never interested enough, always too busy. 

Of course he didn’t necessarily spent all that nights alone but.. What change does it make? He knows what to do once he has somebody in his bed, knows how to make cheap offers leading to a pleasant evening. 

But with Newt? Newt that he can’t tear his eyes off every time they’re in a room together, whose freckles drive him insane, who’s the only one to get him to smile, who scares the hell out of him every time he comes up with a hazardous plan to rescue some creature. (Because if anything happens to Newt that’s it for him. He wouldn’t bear that.)

So no, no cheap offers for Newt. It’s not a one night stand. But guess who has little to no experience with asking people for something more than a one night stand? 

So yeah, he knows almost no ways of approaching the topic.. 

Ask Newt out for a dinner? But they had one this one time. That’s funny, they actually did. 

And Graves thought everything was going well until he realised Newt didn’t quite know it was a  
date.

Sure it was after an exhausting day at the MACUSA, Newt helping to sort out some case.. So maybe it wasn’t unusual to buy him diner in a way of saying thanks. But the place Graves has chosen? The candles? For Merlin’s sake. What is he supposed to do to make it more obvious?!

Just when Graves finds himself being a little bit unsure, uneasy about the person of interest- the person of interest turns out to be completely oblivious. Typical.

Newt’s been adorably telling him stories about his creatures the whole evening. Of course Percival liked them and had no heart to try to change the topic but as a result he also had no chance to make Newt blush, no chance to make him see what it was that he was trying to do.

What do normal people do? ‘Just tell him’? Been there already. 

Even if he finds the courage, even if his voice is fine (he’s Percival fucking Graves maybe he can manage a three-word-long sentence to his love interest) when exactly can he tell him?

Huh? What’s the answer for this one, if you’re so smart?

Sure, they see each other a lot. They do, fine. 

But either Percival is busy or Newt is busy or there are others around (plenty of others, where were you when he’s been kidnapped by Grindelwald, why are you here now?!) and that means almost no intimate moments.

On second thoughts, well, perhaps it gets intimate down in Newt’s case.  
But in the case Percival is focused on Newt’s creatures, careful not to make a mistake, and well the creatures _are_ fascinating and charming. And Newt around them, in his little kingdom..  
Percival stares at the magizoologist occupied with tending to his beasts and all the words he may have thought of saying suddenly disappear.

In the case Percival is always a tiny bit lost and he doesn’t know how to make a move.  
He sometimes gets closer, longing for Newt, but they're busy and talking and working and Percival is doing his best to prove himself worthy. No time for ‘I love you’s. 

Later when they have tea.. Perhaps that’s the only intimate moment they get. 

Because yeah there's a tea. Afternoon tea with this Brit who drives him insane.  
Graves would never thought he’d had an afternoon tea _in his life_. Let alone a few times every week.

It took Percival a while to get used to the taste, to like it and find his preference. He drinks enormous amounts of coffee during the day and that’s what he likes. Strong black preferably hot coffee. But when he tries drinking tea Newt encourages him with his beautiful gentle smiles and Graves finds he can’t really say no to those.

So they have tea the afternoons Graves spends at Newt’s case. That’s the most peaceful, intimate time they spend together. And he did wonder what would happen if he made his confession during the teatime. 

But somehow it just doesn’t feel right. They’re at Newt’s place not somewhere neutral and if Newt reaction isn’t good, if he.. wants to leave or something, he can’t because they’re in the case. 

But no, Percival doubts if it’s really that important.  
They’re friends and Newt would never be afraid of him and have his feelings been unrequited and making Newt feel uncomfortable he would be the one to leave, letting his friend have all the space he needed. 

But that’s a neat excuse, is it not, Graves?  
A neat excuse to not risk ruining the teatime.  
And the tea is the only time suitable.  
Percival was never easy on himself but this time he can’t push to the limits because Newt’s involved and losing Newt..

Newt himself seems weirdly uninterested in all the aspects of social life. Graves has been so sad when he found out that before New York he was basically friendless except for Theseus. 

And lovers? He doesn’t suppose Newt has had any after the fiasco with that girl at Hogwarts.  
Percival has a hard time looking at her picture in the case. Because even if he doesn’t know the whole story she's hurt Newt and he can’t let go of that thought. 

Newt is nothing like he ever knew. So innocent and delicate.. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the man has ridden dragons and possibly faced more deadly magical creatures than any other living wizard but when it comes to feelings Newt is just that. Innocent and delicate and pure and inexperienced and.. it’s not helping Graves gather his courage at all. 

Because who he is to deserve introducing Newt Scamander to all the aspects of love known to a man, starting with romantic devotion to each other and ending with closeness of two bodies together?

They share so many things already that perhaps it wouldn’t be too difficult after all, if it came to that. 

It started with sharing friends- Tina at MACUSA, Queenie at the sisters’ flat, Credence in the case and at the Goldstein’s.. and basically everywhere where all three of them went (because apparently he shares the title of Credence’s favourite with Newt)(and he couldn’t feel happier about that) and even Kowalski, because Newt was so eager to share and Graves didn’t mind. Oh Merlin, the awkward small talks with Jacob.. Well he can’t say he doesn’t like the No-Maj.

Then they started sharing those delightful peaceful moments together, those talks at MACUSA and those silent whiles at Newt’s case when tending to the creatures or watching Credence tend to them, because that’s one of the sweetest things.

Then it came to sharing _the creatures_. 

And Graves never felt so blessed with something so troublesome before. Honestly, sharing creatures with a magizoologist?  
That’s an honour and an act of true affection given to a friend.. (or maybe..)

They still share the evenings at Goldstein’s, those sweetest evenings, and oh don’t forget the teas. They share the teas. That’s an important one. 

They share cases, when Newt’s help is needed and it’s as delightful as frustrating, because Newt has no grasp of safety standards and hell even respecting the law is not a given when it comes to Newt.

(Well of course it’s not, when he can knock on his door at 3pm with _a highly-illegal and deadly_ creature Graves doesn’t think he’s ever heard of before, not at all concerned about how Graves should confiscate it immediately and instead claiming that it’s just the cutest thing ever and does Percival want to pet it?)

They have also shared clothes. Yeah, that really happened. Newt has had Percival’s coat on.  
But well, Percy’s not sure if it really counts as cute relationship goal since at the time Newt was soaking wet and Percy was bloody furious (let’s spare the details since they still make his blood boil).

So they share so much already, and it’s slowly becoming more and more but Newt _is leaving_. 

He’s a fool if he waits, because there’s not much left, they’re almost on the very peak.

It’s one step away, but he feels so lost, and unsure, and he doesn’t know what happens if he takes that last step, because just as well as reach the top he may fall down, and that’s something that he dreads more than he had dreaded anything _ever_. 

So there’s a problem in need of solving and there are ways to do it and Percival Graves, perhaps for the very first time, does nothing.

He waits. He wonders. He worry. 

But he does nothing.

Because it’s about Newt.

-

Torn between the need to act and the fear of what follows, Graves realises that it’s now or never. If Newt leaves he may never again get a chance to tell him.  
Even if Newt comes back to New York, after a break things are always more difficult. Things will never be the way they are now if he lets him leave just like that. Without a word. 

Percival knows better than that. He’s not silly. There is a chance, a small, tiny bit of a chance, that Newt could love him back. 

Maybe he would need time to figure it out. Maybe it wouldn’t work.

But if there’s one thing Percival needs and it’s within his grasp, he would be a fool not to check.  
Newt is his friend, and he loves him as one, but he also needs more. 

Of course he could manage without having it.. but not without checking if he could.

-

Anyway, Graves dreads the goodbyes. 

How do you say goodbye, not knowing for how long, to someone who is your oxygen, your light, the only way to ever be happy? He isn’t usually this dramatic. 

But Newt did save his life and not only by rescuing him from Grindelwald. 

Graves doesn’t know what he would do without those evenings at Goldstein’s, without the reassuring smiles, teas in Newt’s case and occasional tiffs about the niffler stealing his watch yet again. 

And what to say instead of “I love you, please don’t go”? 

Well there are many options. “Take care,” “Try not to get killed by some beast, Newt, and I mean it,” “Will you write to me, please?” But nothing lacking “I love you” seems accurate. 

Percival finds that he doesn’t have a slightest clue as how to say goodbye to his Newt Fido Artemis.  
Quite obviously, he just doesn’t want to. 

So don’t. Don’t give up and don’t practise saying goodbye, Graves. 

Fight for what you need when there’s still a chance. You know that it’s insane not to tell him. So do. Do tell him. What better thing can you do? You took your time realising you need him. Deciding you do. You didn’t want to fight it off. It stayed, it grew roots. It will hurt like hell if you just stay silent. And Newt’s leaving. It’s now or never.

Ok so what do we do. 

Percival Graves _is_ a man of action. Never before has he found himself so hesitant.. But that doesn’t mean he will stay passive, that he won’t do anything, because no, he won’t accept a defeat without putting up a fight first. 

It’s his hesitance and fears standing in his way to Newt, really nothing else because he can’t know for sure that Newt doesn’t share the same feelings for him.

There’s a chance he might. 

How would _he_ know how to make a move? 

But Graves dismisses that at the same time. Newt may be unsociable but he is smart and he would come up with some way. But at the same time..

What reason would he have to think that Percival may love him?

He seemed oblivious that time at the restaurant, so it’s not like he couldn’t have ignored all the other tiny little things, because Percival dares not to do anything more than just a few tiny little things. 

Alright, well, is he delirious now? Is he actually thinking that Newt could be secretly in love with him? How possible is that they both love each other and none of them decided to do something about it? 

-

Alright, fine, Percival Graves is a man of action. He has a problem to solve, and he will solve it. That’s one of the most difficult tasks ever, but hell what do we do? 

His voice may waver on the simplest “I love you”.  
So apparently he needs something even more simple. What’s an easy way to get someone to see how you feel about them?  
A kiss is what Percival comes up with. Maybe because he’s been starring at Newt’s lips when this answer comes. But he considers it anyway. A kiss.  
But when should he kiss Newt?  
It’s New Year’s Ball only two weeks away. 

A New Year’s Kiss. Dream big or go home, Graves. 

If he fucks up with this kiss the part of the 1926 when he’s met Newt will continue to be perfect. What a silly thought. He was never romantic. But wasn’t it a roller-coaster of a year?

Being kidnapped by Gellert Grindelwald and then rescued by the love of his- stop just stop, get your shit together, Graves.

Kiss Newt the very first seconds of the New Year..

And then what?

“Dissaparate” is his first thought. 

He was never a coward. 

But what comes after the kiss? Alright maybe he’ll.. well..  
Fine, for Merlin’s sake, kiss Newt, say the damned ‘I love you’ and run away. 

To give Newt some space? What if he never even thought about them being more than friends? The thought hurts him. 

But whatever. Dissaparate. Because he’s got no better idea. 

If Newt magically feels the same they’ll figure it out. He doesn’t have to stay and watch and find out just then. Newt will be given extra space, and he will be back home, having completed his task. 

And what a task indeed, confessing your love to Newt Artemis Fido Scamander. Doesn’t he deserve a drink right after? Doesn’t he deserve to be a coward for the very first time in his life, just for this? 

“Kiss Newt, say ‘I love you’, dissaparate.” It’s his mantra for that two frustrating weeks left until the New Year’s Ball. He’s preparing himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Sorry for leaving this here but there's much more to come. :))  
> Please leave kudos or comments if you liked it, it means quite a lot c:


	3. We're soulmates but I'm not the one telling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your weekly portion of Percival being dramatic and both him and Newt having problems with expressing their true feelings. Enjoy! :')

The plan stands. Kiss Newt, say ‘I love you’, dissaparate. He does wonder whether dissaparating is really the best idea. The only reason he decides on it is that he’s almost one hundred percent sure that Newt doesn’t feel the same. How would he? 

The plan stands. The three orders are like a mantra, planted firmly in his head. They’re with him when he wakes up and when he’s falling asleep. They follow him around when he’s working. 

Sometimes it’s reassuring. He’s got a plan, he’s going to do something. Other times it’s just frustrating. The way it won’t let him focus on anything. The times when a boring meeting comes and he can do nothing but to dwell on it, overthink, imagine what will happen. 

But still he keeps repeating them. They help him with getting through that three weeks.  
When they’re exchanging wishes at Christmas Day he almost forgets himself and do what he’s been planning. But no no no, not just yet. Wait those last few days, Graves, there could be your last perfect moments with Newt. 

He knows it makes him a little bit distracted but he’s an auror, also a Director of MACUSA. He can deal with this, he can focus when it’s needed.  
So it doesn’t distract him too much. He can still chat with Newt and the rest, he can still tell he’s having the best Christmas ever. 

They spend some alone time with Newt too, at Christmas Eve when everyone’s gone to bed and they didn’t for some reason. They’re at Goldstein’s and he should have left to his apartment for a few hours of sleep before he’s to be there again, for Christmas. Newt should be in his case, with Credence, who’s already asleep. But they aren’t.

They’re sitting by the fireplace, on the couch, not too close to each other, their legs not quite touching but still rather close.  
They’re talking about everything and anything. 

Newt has some concerns about his book, and taking care of Credence, and Graves is trying to talk some self-confidence into him. 

Newt isn’t like this, not usually. 

He knows his worth, Graves can tell. Otherwise he’d probably feel so much worse about being expelled from Hogwarts, otherwise it would have hurt him more.  
(But Newt isn’t angry about that, at least not now. Hell, he’ll still argue how Hogwarts is the best magic school in the world, he’ll still talk fondly of Albus Dumbledore and eagerly tell you all his stories of going into the Forbidden Forest alone.)

And usually Newt is quite confident, sure of himself. You don’t have to be social to be self-assured. But that evening Newt doesn’t change the topic, when they start talking about his insecurities, even as small as they are. (Because yeah yeah, worrying only makes you suffer twice.)

Graves feels honoured being the one who gets to praise Newt, the one who can say all the kind things Newt so deserve to hear. And he means them. 

Because Newt Scamander is one of the people you can never be grateful enough of having met. And Graves tells him just that, tells him as many gentle, warm words as he can manage without being too obvious with his hidden feelings. 

Newt blushes so adorably at being praised. 

Then they talk about Theseus a little. 

Percival has met him, and many times now, in fact so many, that they’re almost friends. They’ve met for the first time during the war, then again concerning some MACUSA and MoM business.  
They still exchange letters. Theseus is one of the few people Percival likes writing with. Also the only one he does it with regularly.

Newt laughs at something Graves’s said. 

They talk about what their usual Christmas are like. How it works better for them to spend it with friends and not with their families. Or alone.

They talk about Hogwarts and Ilvermony. 

Oh, they have a snowing ceiling at Christmas? _Tell me, Newt, have you seen the decorations at MACUSA? Aren’t they quite a something?_ (Graves is rather fond of that decorations, as he was secretly involved in arranging them. Well, not this year, but the first year after Seraphina has been elected as the President they both stayed after hours and had fun preparing them. It felt like Christmas in Ilvermorny again, seeing that they’ve stolen many ideas from there.

That Christmas were happy ones, Percival has to admit. 1920. Two friends finally achieving what they always wanted. From then on, they must have grew some distance between them, Seraphina and he, even if they weren’t able to tell. It’s been happening slowly. Six years after that Christmas, after the dream come true, Seraphina wasn’t able to tell someone has taken his place. Can they still fix it? Could things be alright again? Percy wants to believe that.)

Newt asks him about the differences between MACUSA and MoM. He knows a lot about British law. It’s Graves’ turn to be impressed.  
He knows that Newt is technically employed by MoM but he didn’t expect the younger wizard to care all that much about legislation. Apparently Theseus was taking better care of his brother than Graves assumed he was. 

They talk about Credence again. 

Of how his nightmares are getting sporadic, of how he’s so calm and how good he does taking care of Newt’s creatures.  
(Graves suspects the boy is actually getting a special treatment on it, the creatures somehow being able to tell the pain Credence has been through, accepting him as one of them rather than a guest. But then again, Credence does practically live down the case now. They got used to him quickly because of how much time he’s spent with them.)

They talk about Credence choosing his first wand. And Percival couldn’t be more proud.  
Credence’s wand is long like his, a sign of the boy’s exceptional strength. He also makes great progresses with managing it. 

Graves suspects that in time Credence will be a potent wizard. Powerful even, if he wants. 

They talk about what Graves will do now, how he feels when some time has passed after Grindelwald.

Wait how did that happen? Graves doesn’t like talking about it. He dares not to think about that bastard too much. Not when around Newt and Credence, that is. His vendetta, a work of progress, shouldn’t be anywhere near them. And it’s Christmas. And Grindelwald’s escaped and..

But Newt gently inquires if Percival is fine. 

Is he afraid of leaving him on his own? 

Percy frowns a little at that. Does he seem so fragile?

But then again, isn’t he? He’s shaking at the thought of Newt leaving.  
He used to think it was just the confession of love he’s so emotional about. But what if Newt leaving will actually break his heart?  
Not only because of the fact that he wants Newt in a way a lover would but just because he needs Newt so desperately, even if only as a friend?  
Well he hopes that’s not the case because how broken does it prove he is? And if so, how is he going to survive this?

So he’s not too eager to talk about it.. but they talk anyway and he tells Newt things he weren’t to share. He’s drunk in the perfect moment and even the sad thoughts escaping his mouth can’t hurt him. 

He’s sad about Seraphina. He’s hurt that no one saw. But he’s also so much better now. 

Haven’t let himself sit and think about it and pushed himself and worked and after four months of that, it’s almost alright. 

He’s afraid of Newt leaving. 

There. It’s left his mouth before he could stop himself. 

But Newt isn’t startled at all so maybe it’s not anything that bad. Not anything unusual. 

Newt actually hugs him and tells him not to worry. _Yes Newt, worrying only means you suffer twice, I know._

It doesn’t stop him from worrying about his confession though.  
Somehow he’s got this Newt’s oh-so-wise quote planted firmly in his head, but when it comes to actually using it..  
It's not that easy alright?  
Things were so good after he’s let himself be taken care of. When he’s opened to Newt. It’s no surprise that facing the perspective of losing all that makes him so anxious. 

At some point he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knows it’s Queenie with a cup of coffee, waking him up. He’s drift off on the couch but with a pillow and under a blanket (when did that happen). But Queenie doesn’t comment on it and is all smiles so he doesn’t say anything either.

Newt is the second person he meets that morning. The wizard is out of his case when Queenie knocks on it, holding a cup of tea she’s made for him. For some reason the magizoologist avoids his eyes and after mumbling ‘hello’ almost retreats to his case again. 

Queenie sends him kind of a knowing look and Newt stays and takes his tea, blushing just a touch and still not looking at Percival too much. 

“Has anything happened yesterday that I don’t remember?” Graves asks, slightly worried. Has he said something-

“No, absolutely not.” Newt claims even if the answer is quite obviously different. 

He must know he doesn’t sound too sure so he repeats it a couple of times. “No no no, Percival, what would make you think that? No, nothing happened. Err, have you slept well? I didn’t want to wake you up I’m afraid.”

“About that. Why haven’t you? I’d just apparate home. No trouble. Me staying here is a little bit inappropriate.” 

He doesn’t blame Newt for not waking him up. It’s just he doesn’t understand why he didn’t. 

“You’ve fallen asleep and I didn’t want to disturb you. You were very relaxed last night and you know.. And I doubt anyone would dare to comment on it, really. Not after-“ But no, Percival knows somehow it’s still about something else, something Newt won’t tell him. What is it? Does he really seem so fucking fragile his sleep can’t be disturbed? Why is Newt like this when only yesterday he was convincing him he’s going to do alright when he’s gone?

“Look, Newt, I’m very thankful for all you’ve done for me,” he tries gently. “but I’m not.. I’m not this fragile. You don’t have to.. You should’ve woken me up. I’m not one of your hurt creatures, Newt”

To his surprise that makes the magizoologist look at him, and straight into his eyes and on top of that he takes one step closer, and suddenly he’s aware of the fact that the magizoologist is, in fact, higher. He doesn’t feel threatened it’s just-

“I thought we’ve been through this already, Percival,” Newt says in a gentle but firm voice (so much different than the voice he was using previously) that makes Percival’s stomach flutter. “I think I’ve made clear that you should not ever hide your hurting from me. Act fine, when you aren’t. We talked about how you were feeling. I thought you needed to sleep and this was one of the most peaceful evenings. I haven’t woken you up because there was no point in it,” Newt measures him with a look usually reserved for the misbehaving niffler. “And if you care so much about inconveniences you shouldn’t have fallen asleep. Or are you ashamed of the fact that I take care of you? Is this what this is about? You don’t want to be one of the hurting, one of the ones I help?” 

No, Percival doesn’t feel threatened. He feels.. like he’s being scolded.

This is Newt’s way of being stern.. What’s this lunatic doing to him now? How can he stand being told something like that and not fall to his knees and beg for Newt’s forgiveness??

He does want to be his to look after. He does need it and he’s not ashamed. But how do you agree to something like that and not show how much you’re starving for all of it? And how you want even more?  
“It’s not that, Newt,” he says, and he’s not lying is he? “I’m sorry, it really doesn’t matter. Thank you for all you do for me. I mean it. I was being ungrateful, forgive me."

“You don’t have to apologise to me, Percival.” Newt answers, and this time his voice is gentler, carrying some weariness. “Keep your word and don’t try to fight the fact that there are things you need. You did promise me.” 

And yes, that’s true, he did promise.

He doesn’t think about it too often, because the memory seems almost surreal. But the fact stands that early in their friendship, they did have a conversation much alike the one they were having now, with Newt uncommonly resolute, determined, dominating. 

He does not remember how was it that Newt transformed from his usual seemingly meek and somewhat awkward self into his unwavering, stern version (the one usually reserved for dealing with troublesome creatures and more often for those who were trying to hurt his beasts).

What he recalls is how Newt told him that there was no point in trying to hide his pain from him, because he, of all people, could tell and _Percival, my dear friend, can’t you just accept the comfort you so clearly need and I’m more than willing to provide?_

Oh and there’s a blurry flashback of Newt hugging him and hell he almost.. well he did cry.

It was early after Grindelwald, evening that came after a day full of people avoiding his eyes and he’s just seen the man responsible for all that, and he- Grindelwald that is, said something, teased him with something about Credence.. Something that almost made Percival break the bastard’s neck just then in the cell (that’s why he’s not allowed alone with Grindelwald any longer.)

And apparently Newt has found him in his office trying to work, but all Percival was really doing was fighting with a panic attack. He’s never had one before, but he’s quite sure that’s what it was..  
Obviously, Newt had known the moment he walked into his office, and he calmed him down and they talked.. Or more like- Newt talked and he was the one listening. 

Then Newt made him promise not to try to hide his feelings. Not from him. 

And now what is Newt saying? “Keep your word and don’t try to fight the fact that there are things you need. You did promise me.”

“Of course.” Percival says and there are a few quiet seconds with them staring at each other before Newt breaks the eye contact and his firmness falters. 

“I’ll go check on Credence” he says, stepping away, shooting him a shy smile. 

For Merlin’s sake. He’s just scolded him and now, a second later, he’s back to being shy? 

How is this possible that years after giving up searching for a soulmate (a myth that Graves loved and hated for loving, because it’s just not him, he’s not a helpless romantic, _shut up Seraphina_ ) he meets someone like that, someone who is exactly what he needs and wants? 

So alright the soulmate he once dared to dream of is here now and all Graves has come up with is a New Year’s kiss and stupid “I love you” and running away.  
Well this better work.

When Newt disappears into his case Percival turns to Queenie, who has withdrawn to the kitchen in the meantime, probably to give them some privacy when they were talking.

“Queenie do you know what was that happened that Newt was-“ 

“No.” Queenie says, a lie so obvious in this one word that Graves actually feels a little bit silly. What is he missing, what’s going on? “No, I really don’t know. But maybe you should inquire on it some more?” she suggests and Graves can tell this is something she _wants him to do._

“But Newt didn’t want to tell me.”

“Well, but he wouldn’t, would he.” she says quietly, apparently more to herself than to him. “Some people.. But then again, what do I know. Excuse me, I have to change before Jacob comes.”

Percival doesn’t feel annoyed about her unwillingness to explain the matter to him. He understands that being a Legilimens isn’t easy and he should respect Queenie’s boundaries. But he knows there’s something he should know, and Queenie talking in riddles does not help. 

“Of course” he says with a sigh. “I’m sorry, should I go now, and come back later? I wasn’t planning on staying over, I’m very sorry about that.”

“Oh Percival” Queenie looks at him again and her stare is carrying so many things.. that’s it’s almost blank. “This is really quite alright. You’re a friend. You can go into the case now if you want to?” Again he can tell she would like that to happen. “Or you can just sit at the couch, Tins is almost up, she’ll keep your company in a minute or two.. Make yourself at home. You’re never a problem, darling.” 

And she flashes him somewhat sad smile and closes the door between them, leaving him alone. 

What is the meaning of all this?  
Why Newt wouldn’t look at him before he decided Percival was out of line?  
What is he missing?

But he can’t find answers for any of his questions so he just sits on the couch and waits for Tina, repeating his mantra. “Kiss Newt, say ‘I love you’, dissaparate.”

-

When they all gather for breakfast everything is back to normal and warm and fine. 

Newt talks and looks at him like he usually does. He’s only partly aware of exchange of glances between the magizoologist and Queenie. There’s something Newt won’t tell him and from what he’s gathered Queenie would rather he did. But there’s no real tension between the two so he decides to let that go and ask Newt again, later.

There’s snow outside and the Christmas goes on with the sisters and Newt and Credence and Kowalski (he really doesn’t care even if it’s breaking a few laws. He’s keeping his finger on the pulse of this anyway- he’s sure that Queenie wouldn’t keep anything from him has anything bad happened. And MACUSA does not get to decide on this. Seraphina said to obliviate him, but it’s Graves’ decision not to)  
And Kowalski is nice to him, trying to small talk about magic and Graves finds it endearing (only a little) and the pastries he’s brought are a delight. 

And Credence is safe and happy and he _talks_ more than ever. 

Why does it have to be all so perfect when Percival knows it will only last couple more days and may never happen again?

-

He hasn’t forgotten about Newt’s odd behaviour that morning not even when the peaceful Christmas Day just ticks away in a blessed, slow pace, he, Credence and Newt having come into the case later in the day. 

He asks when he’s about to leave and they finally have a moment alone, just the two of them. 

“What was it in the morning, Newt? You were behaving a little bit odd.” he asks, trying to catch Newt’s eyes but it’s a lost cause. 

Newt isn’t shy. Percival has come to realise that this is not the case. The magizoologist avoids people’s eyes because of various reasons, but being shy isn’t a first choice answer. 

When it comes to Percy, at the beginning he probably wasn’t sure what to expect and didn’t want Graves attention on him.

As Graves later found out Tina didn’t exactly warn the magizoologist about her plan of getting Percival better, inviting him over, making him their friend. But Newt started playing along just the moment he realised Percival was in need of help. 

And Percival has had their eyes met, and then it became a normal thing. They became friends. 

So nowadays if Newt won’t look him in the eye there’s a reason. 

And what reason could it be now?

Surely Newt hasn’t managed to break any laws without Percival knowing since they were together for the whole Christmas Eve and Christmas Day..

So there’s something going on, there’s something that happened, probably on Christmas Eve night but Percival has no clue as what that could have been.

“I.. I’m sorry I lied. There’s indeed something that has happened, Percival. But I can’t tell you just yet.” Newt looks at him unsure of his reaction. 

Well what reaction is there to be had. Graves nods. 

“Alright” he says gently. He trust Newt. He hopes there’s nothing bad going on that he hasn’t been informed of. 

“I am going to tell you, though. Before I leave, that’s sure.” Newt adds and sends him a smile that seems a little unsure. 

“It’s alright.” Percival assures again. “I just hope you wouldn’t wait with telling me something important. That is, that you wouldn’t be afraid of telling me anything.”

“But you wouldn’t be afraid of telling me anything either?” Newt asks and why the riddles again.  
What does he mean. There’s of course one special thing Graves fears to tell Newt. But are they talking about that?

“I trust that our friendship is an honest one and there are only few secrets we would keep, all given a good reason.”

“But that doesn’t answer my question.” Newt says gently. “We’ll see each other around, won’t we? I’ll probably be hanging around MACUSA more this two last weeks.”

“Yes, I hope you will. I’m a little bit more busy around New Year but I’ll be happy to share every moment you will have for me, before you and Credence go. You could also come for.. a tea? At my place, this week?”

“I’ll make sure to bring some tea” Newt sends him a cheeky smile. “And please don’t work too much tomorrow. Or today. It’s still Christmas, you should get some proper sleep.”

“Of course.” 

Percival apparates back home and pours himself a glass of firewhisky. 

The New Year's Ball is only a few days from now. There’s a hell of a week ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what you think, comments are a delight, and they keep me going!! :) (seriously)  
> It wasn't the Ball just yet, but it's the next chapter if everything goes with the plan. :))  
> I do hope you've liked seeing Newt and Percival interact some more, also I wanted to write something about their Christmas.
> 
> (You may have noticed that the time in my story isn't quite right  
> I've decided to change the canon a little so that everything happens four months earlier (Newt's in New York in September, not December) because this was supposed to be a one chapter short fluffy thing with a New Year's Kiss (and I wanted them to actually know each other by that time). Look where it got me. ;-;)
> 
> Anyway I hope you like it, thanks for reading again :)


	4. Long time coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, my maths teacher has been trying to kill me.  
> I hope you enjoy this one :)

The ball is, as expected, a torture. A cherry on top of what he’s been through that week.

After Christmas he doesn’t get enough sleep any of the nights. Either he tries to bury himself in his work and ignore his exhaustion or when he eventually finds his way into bed the sleep just won’t come. 

It’s pure hell. Perhaps leaving his confession for the very last moment wasn’t such a good idea after all.  
He sees Newt a lot, but their conversations (even if they aren’t exactly unpleasant) are lacking something, at times they both don’t know what to say. 

It’s good that they can try to involve Credence in talking and he does talk more, those last few days. He spends more time in Percival’s company too, clearly not so pleased with the perspective of leaving him soon and for long. It’s easy to take a break and talk with him, or just sit together or practice Credence’s magic. (He’s getting better and better with his wand.)

Percival finds himself being sad that the Christmas time was over so soon. It’s been a while since he felt this way about something. It’s not that Grindelwald has broken everything for him. Grindelwald has come when he was already too lonely and too occupied with his job, when he’s already lost half of the joy it once brought him, when he’s already forgot how to talk to his best friend, how to be silly sometimes, how to take a break. 

So the Christmas..  
It was all perfect.  
But in the end it was just one happy moment you enjoy only to lose it the next day.  
It’s never coming back, it’s just a memory from now on. A happy memory to make all the grey, cheerless days that will follow even more painful. 

But he’s not sad just yet. He’s waiting for sadness to come and it’s even worse. This time between.  
He’s anxious and so very easy to be annoyed and he’s sad, absent-minded, hesitant. 

He find himself thinking about Grindelwald and his revenge plans more and more often.  
But maybe that isn’t so bad. 

If after Newt and Credence leave he won’t be able to continue this way, not at the MACUSA, not in New York, he can leave too.  
He’s got a purpose. A villain to hunt down. 

He doesn’t care what happens to him. He never imagined growing too old, and perhaps that’s it.  
Wouldn’t it do some good to the world if he took that bastard down?  
For his private interest, but what does it matter?

 

But back to the Ball-

He can’t drink too much, even if he wants to, because there are plenty pleasantries and he is a Director of MACUSA, the second most important person. 

He has to listen to people awkwardly trying to avoid mentioning Grindelwald when talking to him (and the man is still a number one topic). Then there are those who want to discuss Grindelwald, especially with him, want to ask about his captivity and all that, some rich pricks who Graves must be nice to, because of course they’re the important ones. 

And obviously, he can’t be around Newt and the sisters as much as he would like.

Even if Newt’s and Queenie’s presence distresses him a little, when he’s so close to putting his plan into action (and he didn’t feel this hesitant about it before). Being around them would still be ten times better than sitting at the main table with all the most important & pretentious people in the ballroom.. 

He knows Seraphina feels the very same way about all that, even if she’s better at hiding it, but it’s little comfort. She sits next to him, and any other year that would make him feel better, having his friend close, but this year, for obvious reasons, it doesn’t work.  
Once Newt leaves they really have to talk. 

Both sisters, obviously looking stunning, take turns dancing with Newt, who, even though a little bit uncomfortable dressed in a fitting suit they made him wear, is apparently a very skilled dancer. 

Graves gets his turn too, they share at least three dances.. He’d dance with Newt all night if he could. He’s drunk in the moment when he’s dancing with him, feels like there was no one else around.  
Then he’s back to talking to people and he knows he was never a social butterfly but this year it’s just agony. He wishes-

“I’m sorry Madame President. Per- Mister Graves I’m afraid one of my creatures has escaped from the case and I might need your help with finding it.” 

Newt says approaching them, voice a little bit unsure and eyes fixed on his tie, but still.  
Graves wouldn’t think he could be saved from this. And Newt comes with a rescue again. 

Seraphina sends him a soft, knowing smile and waves them away. 

“Is there really something on the loose, Newt?” he asks when they’re making their way through the crowd. He manages to make his voice sound a little bit stern. Littlest of bits. If something has escaped-

“No, of course not. I double-checked everything before tonight. I just thought I could save you from them? If you don’t mind?” with that there’s a searching look, one that Percival has come to realise is reserved just for him. A gentle one, discreet, only hinting at the firmness behind it. It’s the look Newt gives him when he’s helping him and wants to know if Percival is accepting it. 

But then again Newt of all people would have a variety of searching looks to cast, so it’s maybe just his imagination, and not anything special. 

“If I don’t mind being saved again? No, I don’t. Thank you very much.”

He means it. He’s too tired and stressed to care..  
Or actually he doesn’t mind Newt helping him. He just wishes he knew the way of repaying. 

Newt smiles at him in answer and there’s a gentle praise in his eyes.  
“That’s better,” he says quietly enough that Percy doesn’t have to answer. 

 

They leave the ballroom and find a place in a windowsill in one of the less lit corridors.

“How will you do without me, when I’m off to England” Newt jokes and Percival feels like a fool.

“I’m not sure if I will” he wanted it to sound jokingly too but it tastes sour in his mouth. And he’s sad, just sad. 

“You know I’ll write to you right? About everything. I’ll write often. You’ll get sick of it.” Newt says “And I’ll demand answers too. I’m sure you will find things to tell me, won’t you? I want to hear from you, Percival”

Graves smiles at him and this time it’s genuine.

“Of course” he simply says. “And you, _Mister Scamander_ , are to tell me if you’re in any kind of trouble. With the law or with the smugglers or with some spells, whatever you need, alright? I can help you. This goes both ways.”

“Thank you. I never said it didn’t. You’re a valuable friend to have. A Director of MACUSA, I can’t believe” Newt smiles at him. “And I’ve never had many friends, you know that. You mean a lot to me.”

“I’ve said that before but I’m happy that you’re taking Credence with you. You won’t be alone.”

“That wouldn’t concern me all that much. Now when I have friends I’m better anywhere I go, even if that’s a lonely quest to find some new creature.. I am in fact wondering whether I should be the one to take Credence.” 

“Oh don’t be like that” Graves frowns a little. “You’re the one who is supposed to be taking care of him. You know things I don’t, you can react quickly if something happens. That’s reasonable, that’s the way it should be.”

“But you know it’s not that. He err.. likes us the same. I don’t know how it will work when we’re separated. I feel like without you he may get nightmares again.. I know it’s kind of silly, he probably won’t.. but err.. haven’t you been thinking that too?”

“I was thinking about how you’re the best person to take care of him. Even if something happens, you will be able to help him. I’ve got my responsibilities and all that, I wouldn’t be able-“

“You like to judge things as they are, don’t you?” Newt tilts his head to one side looking at him “Do you never think about how things could be different? Like an alternative universe where you’ve got more options? You’ve made different choices and.. You know what I mean.”

“I do. But I try not to get lost in dreams, Newt. If there’s something I can change about the future, I do that. But there’s no way to change the past.”

“You know what I wish? That we’ve met earlier. That Theseus has introduced us and somehow we became close and perhaps wrote to each other and I’d know if something went wrong and-”

“But why? I’m fine now. We’re fine.” he says despite knowing exactly what Newt means.  
But even if he does, things are the way they are and imagining a different story for them changes nothing.

“But, Percival, I’m leaving. And I’ve never.. This feels so right here. With you and Credence. I hate to be going and taking him away.”

It’s the moments like that when Percival thinks that maybe no, maybe he’s completely wrong, maybe Newt’s in love with him too, and obviously so, it’s just that neither of them can find the courage to do something about it.

With a loud pop a house-elf apparates right next to them. _Fucking hell._

Neither of them jumps, too used to danger to be so easily surprised but the moment is gone and they both look away.

“Mister Graves, president Picquery requests your presence back at the ballroom” the creatures says, looking between him and Newt with an unreadable expression, that Graves doesn’t like at all.  
Newt is fixing his case locks, not looking at him.

“I’m sorry Newt, apparently I need to go” Graves says stiffly, aware of how the house elf is still staring.

_Seriously? Of all the moments it had to happen just now?_

He wishes he could just apparate the house-elf away and ask Newt to continue but that would just be terribly rude, and if there’s someone who would care about mistreating a house-elf in such a way it’s without doubt Newt. 

“Please find me before the countdown? I’ll be looking for you,” he says instead.

Newt shoots him a quick glance.  
“Obviously. Don’t frown so much when you’re back there by the way. You kind of look scary.”

_Grindelwald scary?_ he wonders. But Newt smiles at him awkwardly and takes his offered arm without a second of hesitation. 

Graves catches the house-elf’s stare for a second before he dissaparates them back to the ballroom.  
The creature is _smiling_ and Percival could swear it’s not all that innocent or kind smile- it’s somewhat mocking, as if the creature could see right through him and his feelings. 

But then again he’s tired and nervous about what’s to come so he could be wrong too. 

Back by the Seraphina’s side he has half an ear on the people’s talking, not being able to stop thinking about Newt. 

What is it like between them? 

He supposes it’s his lack of experience with friendships, that is holding him from figuring this out. 

What he has.. Well what he had with Seraphina back in the good days was easy. Natural. They’ve known each other for long enough to know exactly what their roles were and to know that yeah, it was working for both of them. 

With Newt.. 

Percival feels like he’s taking and taking and not giving much in return.  
That he’s being greedy, selfish, out of line.  
That it’s insane to want even more from Newt. 

From someone who has so many responsibilities for his creatures, someone who needs his freedom and space and time for journeys and who needs some time away from people when he gets fed up with them.  
It’s been obvious since the beginning that Newt wanted to take care of him.

For Percival this was..  
Well, generally accepting help from others.. 

Accepting help from Tina, wasn’t too easy for him. 

Tina was his subordinate (also past mentee) and while he appreciated being visited by her at the hospital, and their talks, and how she made communication between him and Seraphina so much easier.. accepting any more would be a problem. He wouldn’t let her give him any more than that. 

With Queenie things were different. They didn’t know each other much prior to Grindelwald’s affair and when they did get to know each other they were some kind of instant easy friends.  
Because wasn’t she a darling who wanted to help everyone, wanted to make everyone feel good and at peace and loved? 

He can’t think of why he hasn’t been overwhelmed by it. But well, that’s it, he hasn’t. 

They talked and she was so kind and gentle, and she’s given him all the time he needed to open up to her. And open up he did, eventually letting her into his mind.  
Something he never thought he would do, and yet. 

He remembers that peaceful evening once, when the rest was out. Newt suggested taking Credence to a theater, but Graves didn’t really want to go. Not that time. He’s had a difficult week, both with the nightmares and his job. 

And somehow it happened that Queenie didn’t go either and made him come to the sister’s flat for a coffee. They sat on that couch and she gave him a blanket and the coffee (black with only a bit of sugar, because of course she would know that) and she gently took his hand and he’s let her in. 

He keeps asking himself why. But the truth is simple- he wanted someone to know. He needed that. 

Could anyone really imagine his pain?  
How does it feel when you’ve been away for months and no one knew? 

He wanted her to know if she was willing. He wanted..  
He does not know exactly what.  
Not pity, no, not pity.  
But some.. understanding, some sympathy..  
Someone should know and he should be able to talk about it.

And Queenie was there and she’s asked him if he wanted something of that sort before that evening.  
It took him a few days to decide.  
Then a few weeks passed before he’s let that happen.  
But Queenie was so gentle, nothing like Grindelwald trying to force his way in when Graves wouldn’t answer all his questions just by being tortured with _‘Crucio’_.  
And it was a relief to let somebody know of his pain. 

With Newt..  
Well Newt isn’t a Legilimens. But he is an expert on the hurting ones.  
And just as eager as he was to help Credence he was to help Graves.  
And how could have Percival said no to him?

It wasn’t anything big, really. Not anything complicated or too hard.  
Newt would never force anything on him.  
It was just gentle caring.  
Something he was starving for. 

Newt would talk to him, bring him coffee, would check on him at the MACUSA at late hours to ask how much more was Graves planning to work. And not just once Graves would let the magizoologist convince him that his work could wait until he’s had a few hours of sleep. When he couldn’t afford that, Newt would sometimes stay with him in his office and sit by the smaller table and work with the manuscript of his book. 

Then there were also occasional lunches, when Graves was too busy to eat and Newt would just appear out of nowhere and threaten him with telling Tina or Queenie, and they would go and eat, Percy in rush, but always able to have even the littlest conversation with Newt, on whatever creature the magizoologist was crazy about at that time. 

They had their silently agreed on routine while they friendship evolved. 

And then came the day when Grindelwald escaped. 

The news spread late morning, when Graves was sitting in his office doing paperwork just like any other day. At the news he left the MACUSA. 

Of course he spared a moment to drop by Seraphina’s office and tell her he was leaving, so that she wouldn’t be worried about him being abducted or anything of that sort. 

But he had no interest in taking part in the chase after the escaped prisoner. They wouldn’t catch him, that was sure. Holding him has proven difficult enough. 

Once out Grindelwald wouldn’t let himself make any mistake. If he was coming after Credence, maybe they’d have a chance. But Graves really doubted if Grindelwald would do that. He didn’t know where the boy was, and surely he did realise that MACUSA would take good care of Credence being out of Grindelwald’s reach. They should have had him out of New York.. 

Credence was at the Goldstein’s. Perhaps not the best place to keep him, but the flat has been charmed with so many protecting and concealing spells that there was no chance Grindelwald would get in, let alone kidnap Credence and escape. 

So Graves told Seraphina he was going home (she didn’t comment on that, other than saying ‘I’m sorry’). She was probably afraid he was going to fire himself and leave.  
But Percival had no such plans, not yet anyway.

He just dissaparated into his home, checked if all the new charms put in place after Grindelwald were still working and he poured himself a drink and sat down on his couch.  
He had no better thing to do then to plan his revenge now, that Grindelwald was free.

That was bound to happen, really.  
No prison has proven to be able to hold Gellert Grindelwald yet. 

Graves was just pissed that the law stopped him from executing the wizard when they still had him.  
Despite what Grindelwald has been doing during his time at the MACUSA (Graves’s blood still boils at the thought of that death sentences on Newt and Tina) executing someone wasn’t all that bureaucratically easy. Also, many people wanted their justice when it came to Grindelwald so apparently they had to hold him. 

And because of that Grindelwald was now walking a free man and Percival could do nothing but plan his revenge. 

It was just a vague idea when Grindelwald was finally revealed and he was found in his cellar.  
Revenge on Gellert Grindelwald, the man who has stolen his identity and did a good job while at it, making Percival wonder what kind of personality he had if his colleagues and Seraphina have been so easily tricked. 

Grindelwald has also tortured him. 

Even if the most of his capture consisted on being drugged into a dreamless sleep Grindelwald did occasionally pay him visits.  
Sometimes there wasn’t a reason for them, sometimes Grindelwald didn’t need any information. Apparently he was bored with Graves’s job and Credence not being able to give him what he wanted. So he needed an entertainment. How fun to torture the real Percival Graves when his aurors are writing reports for you, and you can walk around wearing Graves’s face when not an hour earlier your wand has casted _‘Crucio’_. 

And this man has gotten away. Just like that. The MACUSA wasn’t able to hold him.  
Graves was furious.  
He’s not the kind to throw things and shout though. He just sat and silently ploted his revenge, sipping on his firewhisky. 

 

That’s how Newt found him an hour or two later. 

“Have you eaten?” he asked, crossing his arms.

What a ridiculous question to ask. 

“Shouldn’t be having this on your empty stomach” Newt said and just took his glass away from him.  
Percy was taken aback for solid five seconds before he frowned.

Yeah, as far as he remembered he was Percival Graves and no one had the right to take his alcohol from him. No one, with no exception for a certain magizoologist even if he loved him.

They measured each other with challenging stares for another five seconds before Newt blushed, gave him the glass back and mumbling his sorries left the room.

Percival followed him into the kitchen (glass safely in hand).

“I’m not Queenie-“ Newt said “-but I’m good enough at cooking to have survived many months away from civilisation so.. I hope I’ll manage this.”

And Percival stared at him numbly, sitting by the table when Newt was cooking.

It turned out just fine. It was nothing exquisite but Graves didn't mind. It was Newt Scamander making him dinner at his own house.

It seemed painfully domestic, sitting by the table and watching Newt cook for him.  
It almost took his mind of Grindelwald. Almost. 

Perhaps that was that day, when the only person he would talk to (because they did eventually talk a little about Grindelwald) was Newt, that he’s realised how much their relationship meant for him. 

-

Newt stays true to his word and they find each other a few minutes before the countdown. 

The sisters aren’t there. They went home just few moments earlier because Queenie wanted to see Jacob.  
It’s good because it’s just him and Newt. 

Of course there’s plenty of people around, but no one is really paying attention.  
Who would think that Graves, who’s stayed all frowning and unimpressed the whole evening has a New Year’s kiss plan.

Alright, it’s happening. 

The countdown starts. 

Percival is standing right next to Newt. 

Who seems almost bored, lost in thoughts, like he wasn’t there.

He must be happy that after the countdown it isn’t impolite to head home. He’s probably thinking about his creatures and Credence. 

Happy New Year, it’s 1927, hurray. 

Graves swallows hard. 

Alright, fuck, now or never. 

It’s easier than he thought it would be. 

Newt moves his head in his direction to say something and all he has to do is take one step closer, raise his head a little and that’s it. He kisses him. 

It’s.. He’s aiming at a gentle, chaste kiss, nothing more. 

Oh well. 

It seems like Newt doesn’t exactly stay passive. 

He lets out a quiet surprised whimper and all but leans for more _??_

But the kiss is over all too soon, not exactly chaste but not much more than that either, and Percival really can’t tell whether Newt have indeed been wanting more. 

He’s looking at him with clear astonishment. 

Percival looks away. 

“I love you” He says softly, this time him being the one to not look Newt in the eye. 

He takes a step back to dissaparate. 

“Percival what I love you too why-“ 

And he’s in his living room, staring blankly at his fireplace. 

He did it. 

And.. 

Oh. 

Oh wait. 

**Has Newt just..?!!?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Sorry for ending it right here. There's a continuation I think you might actually like coming soon (I hope).  
> Please leave comments :) I'd like to know what you think.


	5. Not leaving without a goodbye kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m SO sorry. I thought I was going to finish this before my finals began.. But I’m happy to be back, and I hope you’ll like the ending of this story. Thanks for all the kudos and the comments! (I could have not make it back without them, seriously) I hope you'll like it.  
> OH and this one is from Newt's POV. It just felt right to switch to him with the almost-ending.

So the unexpected kiss is over all too soon and Percival takes a step back. His eyes are downcast and distant and sad and-

“I love you” he says.

Quietly, but still. Another surprise. 

And before Newt can manage anything more than just saying the same to him, without a second of hesitation, just automatically, because that’s what he’s been saying in his head for a very long time, Percival is gone. 

Seriously, what’s just happened?

Newt looks around carefully. 

On Merlin’s beard. 

It seems no one even noticed. 

What is he supposed to think? 

Has Percival not heard him? Has Newt been not responsive enough with the kiss? (He was taken by surprise, and he hasn’t been kissed in a very long time, so it’s really not his fault.)

Percival apparently loves him. 

Not something he didn’t think possible, but just not too likely. 

But yeah, Percival Graves, the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, loves him. 

And has just ran away, reason unknown, and Newt wishes he was better at those things and knew what to think. 

So he feels.. warm.. happy.. unsure.. and.. angry?

“What the fuck” Newt says hesitantly, checking how it tastes on his tongue.

He’s never been the one to curse, because cursing makes it easier for you to get even more angry, and the creatures know. Nothing good comes from that.

But his case is at the Goldsteins', and even Pickett isn’t with him for this night.  
So Newt has drunk a little, and he’s never been a heavy drinker (Theseus always teases him about how easy it is for Newt to get drunk) he’s danced, met knew people (terrifying), and then Percival kissed him, confessed his love and disapparated right after that. 

He’s got every reason to be a little bit upset. 

“What the fuck” he says again, and this time it’s loud enough for one witch standing nearby to look at him disapprovingly.

_On Merlin’s beard._ Newt blushes and feels like disapparating too.

But then again dramatical disapparating isn’t something _he_ does. 

He contemplates the thought of sending Percival a howler. 

But he wouldn’t.. know what to say. 

And to shout anything? Newt cringes at the thought. 

He moves to sit at a nearby table, still not able to decide what to do.

He hopes Percival comes back to explain.. Newt doesn’t even need him to explain. Apparently they both love each other. There’s no way Percival didn’t hear him.  
So why run away and not explore this new situation together? They could go to Percival’s flat and.. talk.. and.. 

“Newt?” Tina is by his side all of a sudden, a little bit flushed and all happy-looking. 

She was in her element that night, dancing and joking with other aurors (happy to be back on her old position). Newt is also quite certain he’s seen her with Madame President more than once. She seemed to have grown fonder of Tina in the past months, probably feeling guilty over how she treated her in the Grindelwald’s affair.. But then again Newt wouldn’t know if that was the only reason. 

“What are you doing here all alone?”

“Err Percival went home and I didn’t know where you and Queenie were so.. I decided to wait?”

“Have you got too much to drink?” she smiles at him. “Should have gone home, silly.” 

“Probably” he agrees. “But I haven’t been waiting too long. We can go now.”

“Right. Are you sure Mr. Graves went home? He usually stays longer to keep the President’s company.” 

“No, I literally saw him disapparate.” He can’t stop a crooked smile at that, and that gains him a curious look from Tina. 

No no no, let’s not raise any suspicion. He needs a little more time, before he turns to either of the sisters for advice. 

“Let’s go” he says, standing up. 

“Sure. No reason to stay if he’s not here, huh?” 

Normally he would just ignore the teasing (because of course the sisters know, won’t live that down, and have tried to talk him into telling Percival about his feeling weeks ago) but this time he can’t help a blush. 

“Is everything alright, Newt?” Tina asks apologetically, settling a hand on his arm. 

No, nothing is. He can’t think clear, Percival is not there, he hasn't been in the case for hours and he’s tired from all the dancing and noise. 

“I.. Something happened.. But it’s nothing too bad. Can I tell you later?” he asks, and Tina nods encouragingly. “Now I really need to go back to my case.”

“Of course.” Tina says and takes his hand to lead him to where they can apparate from.

Ah well. Newt has forgotten in the meantime that Percival is in fact one of the few who could dramatically disapparate right from the ballroom. 

He looks around one more time, but the auror is nowhere to be seen. 

_

They’re in the sisters’ flat only a few minutes after and Newt feels like going right back to MACUSA before they even pass the doorstep. 

Inside everything is peaceful and homely. He can hear Queenie and Jacob chatting in the kitchen. Credence isn’t in the living room what suggest he’s already went to bed. 

Everything is like they left it.. And it’s so wrong, because Newt feels like so much have changed. 

He’s off-balance, unsure, uneasy.. For the first time in a long while he looks around the Christmas-decorated room and wonders how it happened that he’s here. 

It’s weird how easy it all seemed in New York. 

For four months he was too occupied with Credence and Percival and the cases at MACUSA, fighting over another creature, smuggling it into his case, working with the book, helping Tina and Jacob, gossiping with Queenie.. 

He had no time to really stop and think about how much everything has changed.

“Newt? Is everything alright?” It’s Queenie’s turn to look at him with a worried sort of glance and he has to find some strength to smile and act alright. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want anyone to know. He’s not sure what it all means so he’s not too eager to share just yet. Of course he could use some advice but he didn’t have enough time to think about what happened himself.

He stays in the living room with the sisters and Jacob for a little while but takes the first opportunity to retreat to his case, claiming to be tired.  
Well he is tired. But it’s not like he could go to sleep now.

He finds Credence sleeping in his armchair and tuts at that. The boy wouldn’t go to bed before Newt’s return and must have doze off while waiting. 

He wakes him up gently and lays him to sleep again, this time tucked comfortably in his bed. 

Then he goes to sit by his desk and stares blindly at some book-related notes hanging in front of him.

Percival Graves loves him.

That’s what he said and he must’ve meant that.  
He seemed really moved..

It doesn’t explain dissaparating..  
Newt’s half-proud of himself for having made it with his own confession.  
There’s no way Percival didn’t hear that. 

_So where is he?  
Why do people have to be so complicated?_

He thought Percival to be one of the simpler kind. That is, not unintelligent of course but orderly one.  
Someone who acts logical..  
And for as long as they knew each other he did. Until the very evening.

Newt sighs. 

What is he supposed to do?

He loves Percy, and he knew about it for quite a while now.

For him is that he really didn’t know what to do. Communicating with people was never something he was good at. Let alone confessing love to someone. 

It’s not like he’s been spending sleepless nights thinking about the auror. 

When he realised he was a little sad. He perceived that as a problem, an obstacle with their building friendship. He didn’t think it too likely that Percy could feel the same. 

What would he see in him?

Newt Scamander, a Magizoologist, expelled from Hogwarts, someone sure to break law often, a little brother of Theseus Scamander (and wouldn’t those two together make a cute couple? The best of British and American wizards together?).. Long story short- no one too impressive. 

Newt never did care what others thought of him. As long as he had his creatures he knew he was right and that was enough to keep him going. 

But now he really wished he was a little bit different..  
A little bit better with people, more.. _presentable._

He did save Percival’s life, yes. One way or other. 

And the auror was sure thankful for that and has expressed his gratitude countless times..  
But it would be wrong to expect anything more.  
Percival is not a damsel in distress who would fall in love with her saviour..

Or is he?

Newt can’t stop a little laugh at that. 

So if Percival did fall in love with him does it make him his knight in shining armour, who came from Europe to save Percival Graves from a pitiful death and gift him with a new life?

When they’ve met Percival was asleep. Second time Newt saw him was in the hospital, Percy’s still in a coma, but all cleaned and shaved and Newt did think.. oh Merlin, this was wrong, but he did think about kissing him. Or more precisely he thought _what a beautiful man, I wonder what it would be like to try to kiss him._ A silly little thought, inappropriate too. 

Percival was not a Sleeping Beauty, and the kiss of true love wasn’t what he needed.  
Newt felt like he was taking advantage of him, even if that was only his thoughts.  
The whole thing of having romantic interest in Percival seemed wrong, bad timed, selfish.  
Percival has been through so much.. 

He wasn’t sure what to think about Percival at the beginning. He understood.. He was surprised with the way the man behaved, when they finally managed to wake him up from the coma.  
He appeared very collected. Fine. Unmoved.  
It was strange for Newt, but then again he didn’t know the man before.. Tina wasn’t surprised. She told him Graves was a very powerful wizard and also one of strong character. 

And Newt almost bought it.  
But then he saw that falter.  
Wouldn’t he, being Newt Scamander, the expert on hurting creatures, notice signs of pain?

And hasn’t his heart broken when he realised it was all willpower? That Percival was hurting so much and yet he wouldn’t let anyone know? That he, believing he had no one to come to, kept that to himself and went on and worked and pretended to be alright until-

Newt really doesn’t know what would happen if he didn’t force his way in. If he didn’t insist on Percival coming to visit them at the Goldstein’s and didn’t do all the things that came after that. 

What would that proud man do?

Newt doesn’t want to think about it because there’s no more than one answer and that he can’t stand. 

_

When he understood what was happening, how hurt Graves was, he’s promised himself to help the man. 

But he didn’t know-.. Blimey, it’s not his thing.  
He doesn’t do humans, thank you very much.  
Obscurials maybe, but they’re (with an exception) children.  
But this time he couldn’t stop himself from caring or acting.

It starts simply, that time at the Goldstein’s. They talk. And then it goes on with unexpected ease.

He stops by Percival’s office every time he visits Tina.  
They are able to find topics for a conversation. 

Then after a while Newt feels like he’s allowed to.. so he goes all mother hen on Percival, seeing to that he eats, gets enough sleep, etc. He fears that maybe Percival is going to reject his friendship then, not wanting anyone to intervene with his life but he doesn’t.  
He opens up even more. 

Newt didn’t expect things to go alright, without much trouble..  
Like Percy was another creature of his, taken into his care.  
He can’t understand how it worked out but he was never someone to overthink.  
He knows that Percival needs someone, and that somehow he fits. 

When Newt first met the Director he wouldn’t have believed that talking with him could be so easy. That he would come to think of him as of a friend.  
And they find their rhythm in talking so fast it’s like they knew each other in another life. 

For one thing, Newt knows how to talk with aurors.  
Better part of his family work for the Ministry of Magic so he has to. Knows what to ask about, when to be impressed and when tease..

Other thing is it just clicks.  
It comes and stays, the feeling of rightness.  
Newt doesn't get worn out talking to Percival like with other people.

And then he realises that with Percival _everything_ is different and he wants even more of that and that uhh.. he’s fallen for him.  
Something he didn’t think would happen again.  
He kept himself busy, he was alone, he didn’t seek falling in love.  
But it just happened and he feels warm and safe and he wants to have all that.  
And at the same time he’s sad and angry because he thinks it’s not going to work and it’s only going to be a problem. 

And now..  
In a week he and Credence are leaving New York and that’s the time to confess love to him?

He supposes he’s not much better.  
He’s been gathering courage to speak with Percival.. But he wasn’t too eager to let the other man know of his feelings. He wasn’t sure whether it was necessary.  
He feared that would change things between them. That Percival would be put in an uncomfortable situation.. How could Newt be so selfish and tell him that. Percival was recovering from a terrible trauma and now his.. well.. his best friend, because that’s probably what they are for now, confesses love to him. That wouldn’t..  
But Newt decided he would be honest. They wouldn’t see each other for a long while and if Newt decided to tell him anyway later on, confessing something like this via letter seemed wrong. 

So on Christmas Eve when they were talking he thinks he can manage to finally come clean..  
And he says the magic three words. So softly at first he thinks Percival just didn’t hear.  
But no. Percy actually fell asleep. 

How silly is that. 

Newt should probably wake him up.  
But he panics. He thinks he can use the chance to have some more time.  
Wait till the Christmas are over and then talk with him.

But with every passing day it’s more and more difficult. 

That week after Christmas is a torture.  
Even if Percival doesn’t know what happened on Christmas Eve he does know something happened and that hangs heavy between them..  
Newt has a feeling that’s it. Happy times over. That’s how he and Percival lose their special connection. He doesn’t even have to tell him the truth. The fact that he wants more than just friendship is going to ruin it all. 

And it isn’t just this uneasiness between them.  
Suddenly _everyone_ seems to know that something is wrong. 

_Maybe_ Newt is getting paranoid but it’s like Credence knows way more then he should. During the week it feels like the boy is.. Well not angry. It’s more like.. gentle disappointment?  
It’s not that he would be impolite or unfriendly, Newt doesn’t even have one solid argument for that feeling.  
It’s how Credence looks at Newt (and Percival, but he doesn’t seem to notice) with this glint in his eyes, like he knew of how things suddenly changed and was judging them for it, wishing they did something about it. 

But at that point Newt can’t tell whether it isn’t just his imagination.

What he’s sure of was that his creatures do know something is up.  
A few of them would have already figured out that it was about Newt and Percival and maybe about how Newt wanted Percy to be his mate.  
(And it was embarrassing for Newt to even think about that..)  
But that isn’t the worst thing.

There are two of the creatures who would actually dare to intervene with that situation they have.

And seriously is it fair to have both the Niffler and Pickett against him?

They seem to agree that making Newt interact with Percival is the only good idea.  
So the Niffler starts his quest to beat the record of how many times he can try to steal Percival watch _in one day_ and Pickett suddenly becomes ten times more interested in changing Newt’s breast pocket for Percival’s.  
So that week is full of apologizing for the Niffler and asking for the Bowtruckle back (Newt would leave him with Percival to teach him a lesson but he didn’t want the creature to bother the auror).  
Good thing is Percy doesn’t seem to notice. 

After Christmas it’s like he was somewhere else with his thoughts all the time.  
This absent-mindedness is nothing like Percival but after the Christmas fiasco Newt can’t tell what that is about. He can’t just ask what’s the matter when he’s keeping something from Percival, it’s not fair.  
Fortunately he’s almost sure it’s nothing too bad. Not a panic attack coming. Not the nightmares back.  
Just a weird behaviour, totally unlike Percival. 

Newt wants to get back to when things were right. 

Tina and Queenie don’t miss that something is wrong either. 

With Tina it’s much simpler because she just tells him that she’s there if he wants to talk and she’s careful not to tease him about Percival anymore. 

When it comes to Queenie..  
She tries to corner him to talk about what happened on Christmas Eve plenty of times (because she witnessed Newt awkwardness the next day firsthand). 

He wouldn’t tell her all that has happened.  
He did admit to trying to tell Percival about his feelings (something she’d encourage him to do) but he tells her he’d chicken out.  
That he wasn’t sure if he could make it after all.  
And that’s an ugly lie, because when things are wrong like they are Newt wants to scream the truth at Percival..  
It’s just he’s so lost and even if he knows he will do it in the end he’s all full of doubts.  
He just knows he could, any time.  
Not to brag, but he’s brave.  
He’s tamed dragons.. He sure can handle saying “I love you” to Percival Graves.  
It’s just the second thing happens to be ten times harder than the first. 

He’s a little afraid that Queenie is going to chide him and walk him to the Percival’s office.  
Thing is she doesn’t.  
She tells him she believes he should tell Percival the truth and as soon as possible but then just lets him be.  
But that doesn’t mean that the week is not full of worried glanced and comforting hugs and pats..

He’s not sure what’s the worst. 

Credence’s ‘gentle dissapointment’, the trouble with the Niffler and Pickett or the way Queenie symphatises with him unintentionally not letting him forget about Percival for more than an hour..

So with all that he supposes he’s not much better.  
What a pair they make.  
Had any of them have more faith in their luck they would have gotten past this weeks ago.  
He sighs.  
They kind of did get past this now.  
And they’re still not together, they don’t know what they’re standing on.

Newt walks around the case absently, like he thinks he’s going to find Percival in one of the habitats.  
But unsurprisingly the auror isn’t there.  
It’s way past midnight and Newt knows that he’s not going to do anything before the morning comes.  
He could hardly just apparate on Percival’s doorstep and ask for explanation.. 

He decides to do something in the early morning.  
Go to MACUSA with Tina perhaps.. 

Alright that sounds like a plan.  
But it’s not like leaving the matter for later is going to stop him from spending the night up, trying to work and not think about Percy (and failing miserably at both). 

_

"Are you telling me you two kissed, confessed your love to each other and he dissaparated?” Tina is looking at him, bewildered. “And none of you decided to do anything about it yet? Newt I’m sorry but this is just incredible.. Give me a minute to process this."

It’s early morning and they’re standing in the auror’s room before Percival’s office.

"Look Tina I know it seems.. Well it is probably.. outstanding.. but what is it that I should’ve done? Why did he dissaparate? How was I supposed to react?"

"He must've just been.. err scared of what would happen. Newt, it’s Graves.” Tina says and shakes his head at him. “He's like.. Before you came to New York he was living on his very own. No friends, no hobbies just work and coffee. It sounds wrong of me to say that but he was my mentor and I know. He thought that being friendly with someone meant occasionally calling them by their name."

"I don’t see how this makes him need to dissaparate from me."

"I think he was scared you wouldn’t feel the same. And his feelings.. He loves you.. that must be a bit overwhelming for him. That’s not something he’s used to and it’s rare for him to feel out of place like that.”

"Alright. Fine. I just.. I’m not good with this things. I was confused.” Newt sighs and rubs his eyes absently. “Of course I should’ve followed him and make sure he knew that I feel the same. I did tell him though"

"It’s fine. Just do all of us a favour and just go and tell him-" Tina reaches in the direction of the Percival’s office door, already holding Newt’s arm. 

"Now?!" he struggles out of her grip, panicked.

"Yes Newt, now” she lets him go and crosses her arms. 

"But Tina he's at work"

"Oh please, find yourself a better excuse. You always drop by during the working hours and no one minds. He’s not even busy."

Before he’s got a chance to respond Newt senses rather than sees Percival approaching and manages to hide under a table before the man walks in.

"Who's not busy? Are you not busy, Miss Goldstein? Or is everyone not busy today?" he makes a dramatic gesture in the general direction of the rest of the junior aurors sitting at the other side of the room (now completely terrified) "Am I the only person working in this Department? Well no wonder no one noticed when-”

He pauses for a second and the unsaid hangs heavily in the air. 

“You should all be working, you know. I don’t care if it's New Year or fucking Halloween. The risk of exposure is still high, and there are people here, who aren’t busy? Do you think life is an never-ending New Year’s party? Get to work."

Graves marches through the whole room and slams the door to his office. 

"I thought he was in already." Tina says, clearly shaken.

Before anyone does anything Percival (to the aurors' absolute horror) emerges from his office again but this time he just points at Tina and says in a much gentler manner.

"I’m sorry. Has Newt been around? Let me know if he is. Thank you."

And escapes into his office again.

"I’m done. I’m just done. I’m gonna go get coffee" Tina says.

"I'm coming with you" Newt adds quickly, sending her a pleading look. 

She sends him a look saying 'you should deal with this' but just shakes her head.

"Of course you are."

-

Tina may let him follow her to the cafeteria but her patience is wearing thin by the time they go back to the auror’s room. 

“Newt, put that cup down, you don’t even drink coffee.” 

She’s measuring him with a determined look. They are friends and she have all the patience in the world for his creatures and having to cover for him countless times.. This time she’s not going to let him off the hook. 

“Maybe I have a sudden desire to taste some.” he tries weakly. “Look I don’t know what I’ll say to him I-”

“I can promise you the moment you step in there everything will be alright. You two just need to talk. Do it for the sake of the MACUSA if not for him or yourself.”

She walks him to the Percival’s office door and is ready to open it for him but alright fine he’s Newt Scamander, he can do this. He knocks and enters without her help.. She’s done plenty already. 

Percival’s office looks just as always and for a moment Newt thinks that maybe that confession the previous day didn’t happen, that maybe they’re back to how everything was and Percival is going to just smile at him slightly and they’re going to talk causally, like any other day. 

But no, it’s not the case. Percival stands up quickly when he sees him and walks towards him, stopping only a few steps away. 

“Newt.” he says. 

“Percival?”

Their eyes lock for a few seconds and it’s Percy who breaks that, settling his gaze on Newt’s shoulder. 

“Newt, I’m sorry” he says in unsure voice. “For dissaparating.” he looks up for a second. 

“Have you nor heard me?” Newt suggests gently. 

“No, I have. Just a second before that. But what I’ve been planning to.. I meant to dissaparate right after. And I did. And.. Well, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It’s fine.” Percival looks up again and they look at each other not knowing what to do. 

“I meant it.” Newt states. “Yesterday, I meant it. I love you.” he shoots Percival a quick glance. “So please could you make it alright? I don’t know what people do.”

Percival steps closer and pulls him into a tight hug. 

Oh. There. Everything is alright. Back to normal.. Well not really. They’ve never been here before, have they?

Then Percival pulls away a little and kisses him gently, talking his face into his hands. 

“Alright?” he asks, keeping the kiss chaste and quick. 

“Perfect” Newt smiles at him and leans in for more. 

“I wanted to do this for so long” Percival says between the kisses. 

“And I was right here” 

They move to sit on a small couch in the corner of the office. 

Newt used to be irritated about it because it served Percival for a place to nap when he decided to stay at MACUSA overnight. Now he couldn’t be more grateful they can sit down together like that. 

They don’t do much more than kiss some more and cuddle. They don’t have much to say to each other just yet. Newt’s mind is all blank and he’s just happy. At peace. Right where he should be. 

“I should- I’m taking the rest of the day off, yes?” Percival says after some time has passed. 

“And can you? Are you feeling alright? That doesn’t sound like you at all.” Newt smiles. 

“Never been better. And I can- that is, as soon as I’m done with this?” he gestures at a pile of paperwork on his desk. “Shouldn’t take longer than.. two hours. Up to three.”

“Sure. I’ll bring you coffee?” Percival’s eyes lit up. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asks, kissing Newt’s hand. 

“No idea.” 

_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to finish with this chapter but unfortunately it will have to wait a little. I'm planning on posting a short epilogue thing, from Percival's POV.  
> Thanks for reading and if you feel like it please leave a comment!  
> I'd love to know what you think.  
> And again, I'm sorry for keeping you with that cliffhanger for so long.  
> :)))


	6. Never doubt tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so here is the actual ending. I wanted to finish with Percival's POV.   
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. They mean plenty!

If Percival needed a final sign that yes, he’s changed, there is no way back to how things used to be, taking another free day in span of two months is just that.

Fortunately this time it’s for a good occasion. 

He can’t quite comprehend what happened.

He feels a little silly.. can’t stop thinking of Newt. 

He also _smiles_ a lot that day and that really freaks up the whole Department. 

Tina just seems weary. 

Seraphina smiles back hesitantly and asks what happened. 

Isn't it sad when a friend has been absent in our lives and we can’t just spring the good news at them? 

They actually talk for a minute or two. 

Then he goes home and after checking on Newt’s creatures together they spend the day on his couch. Both of them still taken aback. 

The week they had left burns out so quickly that Percival is really considering renting a room at a time-stopping hotel even if that would be highly inappropriate as MACUSA generally looks down on such institutions..

But even under the threat of Newt and Credence leaving, the week is happy and peaceful and _right_.

Then the goodbyes.. 

Of course it’s heartbreaking watching Newt leave. It’s just they’re both happy they got to spend some time together after all. 

Oh and they actually embarrass everyone present with the amount of goodbye kisses, hugs, promises of letters, fireplace meetings..

They keep repeating that it’s only three months until they see each other again.

Percival Graves, the Head of MACUSA’s Department of Magical Law Enforcement, after twenty years of work, is taking his first vacation to go to Britain and visit his boys.

But this night, the first night when Newt and Credence are no longer in New York is challenging.

He’s standing by the window, a glass of firewhiskey in his hand, wondering how he will fall asleep. 

Just a year ago he would have never thought that there was much more waiting for him. 

By that time he has achieved most of what he has dreamed of. 

Hell, Seraphina and he held the most important chairs in the MACUSA.

What else should he want?

But instead of fulfilled his life was beginning to feel.. final. Not in a good way.

When he was an auror he could still drink in not knowing how his life would turn out to be. 

Then after promotions things were so much slower. Life seemed to have decided on him, there wasn’t much more to do. Nothing big was happening. Everything unwinded. Percival almost felt old. 

He and Seraphina..

They took their friendship for granted. Expected it to be the same without their silly sleepovers and jokes and gossips and occasional duels..

It wasn’t.

And that meant Graves was alone. 

Seraphina had girlfriends and an army of people under her who watched her every step. She was the President.

He however.. Made an easy target.

No family in New York.

No affairs, no lovers (because his one night stands were the element of past when the work has become too demanding).

So yes he was an easy target for Grindelwald’s bold, lunatic plan. 

How-

He can’t think about that.

When he does think about how it all worked it makes him want to fire his entire Department. Or go to bed and cry.

And he’d rather do neither.

Anyway- he was alone.

That proved to be a weakness. 

And something unimaginable has happened. 

After, he was broken. 

There are no words to describe what he felt.  
He thought there was no tomorrow for him. 

So a year ago he would assume the months following to be the same as usual. Productive. Busy. A little alone. But alright. Normal.

He didn’t expect to have his heart broken. To completely lose his balance..

Because with all the work it has taken to built what he had he wouldn’t have thought it would be so easy to break it. 

His job that he loved.. 

It was true that being an auror, before the promotions, have been more of a thrill. But he enjoyed being up, in charge, too. 

He liked steering young aurors in the directions they should choose. Teaching them. 

He enjoyed working side by side with Seraphina. 

And their friendship.. One that started in Ilvermorny and was there, a constant, throughout the later years.

She couldn’t tell it wasn’t him. 

He cried so hard when he realised. He was heartbroken. 

But then again he didn’t expect to have his heart fixed by a lunatic of a wizard, no one else but a ‘magizoologist’, going by the name of Newton Artemis Fido Scamander. A Brit on top of that. 

So the unimaginable year has passed and he’s so different.

He’s found something he never expected to find. 

And it’s alright.

So he’s not sad that Newt and Credence left.  
It’s for now.  
He’ll see them in three months.  
He’s a patient man.  
He can wait when there's something to wait for..

No, he’s not sad.. He’s a frustrated mess. 

He wants to go to Seraphina and resign and go to Britain after Newt. 

But that eagerness isn’t something he should listen to.  
He’s an auror.  
He’s Percival Graves, for Merlin’s sake.  
He can’t just quit and hide in someone’s arms.  
That wouldn’t do. 

When he’s pouring himself another drink someone knocks on his front door-

_Grindelwald_

is his first thought. 

But no, that wouldn’t be him, for fuck’s sake.  
Grindelwald is in Europe. 

It’s sad though that he’s who he thought of first.  
Not of Newt or Tina or..

He opens the door and it’s Seraphina, with a bottle of what appears to be a very expensive (and his favourite) firewhiskey in her hand.

‘I thought I could offer you a shoulder to cry on, now that your boys left.’

She smiles at him uncertain but hopeful. 

It’s been enough time to finally talk it through. 

Or maybe just get drunk together like in the good old days. 

‘A shoulder to cry on.’ he repeats feigning annoyance, but he’s smiling when he gestures her in. 

-

‘I’m so sorry for all that’s happened to you.’

She looks at him and he can tell she means that. 

It’s not like he’s the only one hurting here. He can’t imagine how guilty she must feel.

‘I was really.. I was almost broken, Phins. But I’m fine now. I’m alright. All good.’

They share a long glance. 

They’re going to fix it. 

Even if it can’t be alright just now, it’s going to be. Sooner or later.

‘It takes Newt Scamander to fix all the problems, doesn’t it?’ She smiles at him. 

He laughs. 

It’s alright. 

He can actually do this. 

There was a way back from that dark place he’s fallen in. 

There’s always a way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's officially finished. I never expected this to grow into something like this. :'))  
> Actually it was supposed to be a one-chapter thing ending with the New Year's Kiss cliffhanger.. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos!  
> This was my debut at fanfiction and they mean _a lot_.
> 
> Let me know what you think if you feel like it.  
> You can also find me on my tumblr 'grumpy-graves' :))


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